My sisters and I would laugh at the time we were on vacation in Florida, and an inebriated homeless lady asked my younger sister Jenna for a dollar. She held out her shaking dirty hand and asked in her raspy voice "godda dollar?"
At the time it was kinda scary, somewhat funny, but we joke about it still. Did we give her a dollar? Nope. I'm not sure Jenna even had one to give.
Fast forward 15 years, and in the past week I've been asked for money from the homeless twice. Both times, I've been with my kids, on foot, less than a block away from my house. Both times I gave (but gave really poorly, giving only $2 each time).
I know I choose to live in this neighborhood. I want my kids to grow up in a diverse neighborhood NOT filled with people just like us.
These people live in my community. I believe we are called to help our neighbors. If any one of my neighbors knocked on my door tomorrow and asked to borrow something, I would give without a second thought.
When it comes to the homeless, I want to do the right thing. I do want to help. Set an example that my kids will remember. But I have reservation on the proper way to give. Reservations that keep me up at night:
1. I have a liquor store a block from my house. While I want to help the hungry, I do not want to enable an addiction. There is a big difference between being a helper and an enabler.
2. Since it's happening so close to my home, when I'm on foot - I'm afraid if I give once, they will watch where I live and the next thing I know they will be knocking on my door asking for more. (yes this happens in my 'hood).
3. Safety. Am I protecting myself and my children if I just whip out my wallet every time someone asks me for cash. I don't want to be taken for a fool.
I would feel like such a cold hearted youknowwhat if I just turned the other cheek, told the person I had no money, and walked away. (holding my fancy deli sandwich, expensive gelato, and organic vegetables I just purchased on our walk).
I'm interested in what others do. Do you give? Do you claim you have no money? Do you strike up a conversation and try to help other ways? Or do you just walk away...
*Post addition: My Friend Jennifer left in the comments 2 amazing post written by I believe a pastor regarding this issue. They are awesome. If you have a minute, read them here and here.
Godda Dollar?
Friday, October 02, 2009
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I'm an Urban Dweller
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22 comments:
Fri Oct 02, 10:23:00 AM
Where I live there is people with signs saying they are hungry or need work.There is reaelly no place to walk to get things. You have to drive. I keep a few can goods or foods that do not spoil and hand those out.
Fri Oct 02, 11:52:00 AM
We went to a dinner where the speaker was a young man who "went homeless" for six months. He said the best thing to do is buy them some food, and talk to them for a couple of minutes. According to him, the worst part of being homeless is being treated as if you are not human. I try to remember that these are the people that Jesus would have been living among, ministering to, and loving. (So maybe on your next walk, you could just purchase an extra sandwich and some juice and feel blessed as you give it away!)
Fri Oct 02, 12:55:00 PM
I have never been asked in front of my children - I don't know what I would do - think I would have to access this situation
Fri Oct 02, 01:11:00 PM
I don't have an answer for you, but do know that even ministers struggle with this too. Here are 2 recent posts from the Desiring God blog that are exactly relevant:
Give to the One Who Begs From You (Part 1)
Give to the One Who Begs From You (Part 2)
Fri Oct 02, 01:52:00 PM
A friend of mine keeps small amount gift cards for McDonald's in her purse to hand out. Then she knows they aren't using the money to buy alcohol (Yes - I know they can sell it for $, but at least you aren't making it easy). If you don't have a McD's in the area, maybe you can think of another place in your neighborhood they could get a cup of coffee or a sandwich or something and keep gift cards for that place on hand. - PamSue
Fri Oct 02, 03:09:00 PM
I have been thinking a LOt about this as well. I just read the book,"The Same Kind of Different As Me." I highly (HIGHLY) recommend it--it is one of the best books i have read in a very long time. It gives insight into what it is like to be homeless. What I took from the book is similar to what susan wrote in about: treating them like Jesus, offering a smile and a hello, perhaps some food. I also like the giftcard idea and hope to implement that myself. I nod my head to you for addressing this issue--it is surely a toughie.
Fri Oct 02, 03:11:00 PM
I do not give anyone cash because I'm not so sure that they will buy food with it. There are places for homeless people to get food in my community. I'm a social worker so I am skeptical of everyone despite my job. I've seen a lot of people use the system incorrectly and shamelessly. I worked in the foodstamp division for a semester in college years ago when foodstamp "cash" was given out. I would then go to a local grocery store on my lunch hour and find those people buying a pack of gum with $10 in stamps and get real cash change back for it then walk over to the liquor store. I would have no problem walking into a fast food place with someone asking for help and buying them a meal if that's what they really wanted.
Fri Oct 02, 03:57:00 PM
I try to give in large chunks occasionally. $10 here or $20 there, depending if I feel the situation is right. Most of the time I offer up a smile and say "not today." I frequently offer leftovers to homeless folks when I leave from a fancy meal (and it doesn't look picked through, but rather I cut half and put the rest aside). My husband is a fan of buying the actual food- especially if he has just purchased something himself (like a hot dog, or pizza, etc). He'll go back in and buy them a slice/dog, etc.
Fri Oct 02, 04:08:00 PM
I don't think you need to feel bad if you don't give them anything. I've given the homeless food before rather than money. I thought the comment about giving away giftcards to McD's was a good idea.
I also heard a good story on NPR about this and how you should teach your children that there are appropriate avenues for giving to those in need since giving a few bucks here and there isn't really going to do much and might enable them to purchase alcohol. The story talked about supporting facilities that help the homeless.
I don't tell people I don't have any money - I just say I can't help. I have been known to walk away but that was only because the man asked me if I could give him my pants. That I was wearing.
Fri Oct 02, 04:34:00 PM
I wish I knew what was the right thing to do on this as well. I rarely carry a lot of cash anyways so sometimes it's a non issue. (I'm not going to an atm for that...). Maybe I should just give them the My Little Pony fruit snacks in my purse?
Amanda
Fri Oct 02, 04:59:00 PM
I forgot to mention that my dad, an over the road truck driver who gets asked at truck stops A LOT, carries extra cans of soup and plastic spoons.
He'll give the person a can of soup and a spoon as a way to help them out since he has no idea what local services if any might be available near that particular truck stop.
Fri Oct 02, 08:26:00 PM
hmmm, this is a little different situation since it is right in your neighborhood. nonetheless...
for my husband and i, we have decided that we will always give. cheerfully. we keep $5 and $10 bills in the console because in our situation, we are usually driving by and someone is holding a sign at a stoplight or something. if i have food, i will give them that....and have often told them we would be right back if we were close to a store.
of course, it is always possible that they don't do what is i hope they would with the money. but, that is on THEM, not on me. i don't feel that the material things and money that i've been blessed with is mine anyway....and i love the lessons our children are learning from it.
Fri Oct 02, 08:59:00 PM
Be careful!! I understand your wanting to help but when you respond at all you're engaging that person and you don't know what their mental state may be or what their intentions are. Which is especially scary when you're with your kids and you're heavily pregnant. Anyway, I have no idea what it might be like, I'm just speaking as someone who has lived in NYC for a few years. Be safe!
Fri Oct 02, 09:01:00 PM
Our church has a policy of taking those who ask directly to the grocrey store or gas station to buy them what they say they need. This policy would be a bit inconvenient for you at times, but would keep your wallet safe, your home location safe, and you'd be sure you wouldn't be feeding an addiction. It would also go above and beyond in showing your children to care.
Of course, it's easy for me to say. I'm not the one walking with children.
Fri Oct 02, 10:22:00 PM
I give what I have. What I normally don't have is money - and if I do, I don't like to get into my wallet, like you said. I've been known to give an old jacket, a blanket from the back seat, our picnic lunches. It's interesting to do it that way. You know which people are really in need and which are appreciative... and which aren't.
I like that I've done it in front of my kids too - it's opened up some good conversation - as to why that person gets THEIR fruit snacks!
One day a man approached me saying he had to feed his family. All I had was my lunch that had not been eaten. He got angry with me when I offered it - guess his kids weren't that hungry.
Another day a lady told me she was diabetic and needed something. All I had was a banana - she had it peeled and in her mouth before I could say goodbye.
Sat Oct 03, 07:26:00 AM
I love it, love it, love it! (The links from Jennifer) That is exactly how I feel but have a hard time expressing. When my husband worked downtown he befriended a homeless man during his lunch hour named Bobby. He found out that Bobby needed $15 for a cheap hotel room on especially cold nights and would give him money or buy him lunch. You know what Bobby appreciated the most? Being treated like a human being and having someone listen to him. Whether or not Bobby used the money for booze or a hotel room is his decision - all J could do was be generous and compassionate and pray for him.
Sat Oct 03, 01:39:00 PM
I give when I have money, now. Before, not so much. My heart really changed a lot when I heard Issa at the keynote at BlogHer about her Uncle Marky. When I am somewhere where I expect to be asked I keep some money in a separate place so I don't have to whip out my wallet each time. (which can be dangerous) I am off to read those two things.
Sun Oct 04, 01:26:00 AM
If I have cash, I usually give. I can see your dilemma though. Kinda scary when it's in your neighborhood.
Sun Oct 04, 06:28:00 PM
Re: your question on cloth diapers... we are using the Gro Baby system... We also have 2 Bum Genius to try them out. So far, the Gro Baby seems fab, but we've yet to try them- get outta my belly, baby!
Mon Oct 05, 04:56:00 PM
Thank you for this post and the additional links. Very helpful and thought provoking!
Mon Oct 05, 09:33:00 PM
I'm a food-giver, too. We've actually taken a few people to dinner with us if we were on our way to eat anyway. Or given away my leftovers if we were leaving a restaurant.
I did make sure that either I had another adult with me or we were in a very public place.
Thu Oct 15, 04:29:00 PM
What a great discussion to have!
I actually live in the suburbs so it's rare that we encounter the homeless. This can be good in terms of safety. This can be bad in the sense that I want to be sure that my girls are exposed to the poor/needy.
When I am out-and-about and asked for money, I tend to try to offer/buy something else - typically a meal.
If my girls are with me, I tend to say "no" politely and walk away - because the "mama bear" comes out in me and I just want my girls to be safe + sound.
If I am by myself, I tend to give more.
That said, perhaps I should be doing the opposite - to be a good role model for my daughters.
There definitely has to be a balance between being responsible about personal safety and giving generously. Both are important to me.
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